Here We Go Again

Stop me if you've heard this one before. Bryce decides to get married, makes big plans, invites all his friends, goes out on the proverbial limb. Six weeks before the big day, a confluence of relationship shit storms leads to the cancelation of the wedding, and subsequent exceptionally awkward conversations with all of the guests. In the aftermath, the relationship falls to pieces, any and all parties and factors are made to blame, and no one speaks to each other again. Sound familiar? Here we go again.

Baby is sick of my shit. She's fed up with me, she's soured on the prospects of spending the rest of her life with me, she's just not into it anymore. She wants 'a break,' that mythic relationship Hail Mary that is, in reality, a polite way of saying 'pack your shit and get out.' When you think about it, the writing was on the wall the whole time. And while I swear to god in heaven that I'm going to start looking for the hints and bail out early, I never actually manage to do it. Yet another woman has come to the conclusion that I am, after all, a terrible fucking person and not worth the effort. And I'm so stupid, I never even saw it coming. Last night I went to sleep next to my future wife, but today I'm alone again, with nothing but a shockingly large collection of emo records and a shelf full of videogames to keep me company.

At least, that's how the dream went.

In reality, everything is totally fine. Great, even. Sure, we have some stress from planning the wedding. And yeah, so maybe I make too many jokes and blow everything into comically epic proportions. But the waking Bryce has actually learned from past relationship mistakes. He listens instead of just waiting for his turn to talk. He does the things she asks him to do. He has learned that when she tells him he doesn't have to do something, that actually means he does. He has stopped sleeping with her friends. He occasionally pauses his game. He watches far less basketball. See? Progress.

So why the dream? Honestly, I don't know. Baby has nightmares that no one shows up for the wedding, or that it's 45 mintutes before her walk down the aisle and she can't find her veil. They're terrifying when they happen, but she can laugh them off (sort of) when she wakes up. Why do I have to have the incredibly realistic, infinitely plausible ones where I'm blowing it all over again, and I'm the only one who didn't see it coming? I've been calm as can be about the planning process, and this time around I'm actually looking forward to not just being married, but the actual wedding itself. Could it be that my relationship isn't going as well as I think it is, and that she's actually having second thoughts?

Probably not. But if I end up waking her up at 4:30am for the next six weeks to reaffirm her love for and commitment to me, I might just end up blowing it again after all.