I have trouble describing how much I hate the Dallas Cowboys. I'm fairly satisfied with my vocabulary and my ability to insult others, and yet I still cannot adequately capture my utter contempt for them. The closest I can get is this:
I hate the Dallas Cowboys more than I hate the New York Yankees.
Seriously, it's that bad.
I hate the city of Dallas, the entire goddamn city.
I hate their retarded half-roof stadium, I hate their hot ass cheerleaders, I hate Troy Aikman and Tom Landry and Jerry Fucking Jones.
I hate their legions of mouth-breathing, pick up truck-driving, Coors-guzzling mongoloid, redneck fans. I hate the fact that even the black people who root for the Cowboys are rednecks. I hate the pomposity with which they've declared themselves 'America's Team.' I hate that douchebag who was holding up the sign last night that said "Daniel Snyder May Have Bought The Redskins, But The Dallas Cowboys Own Them."
(OK, maybe they have ONE clever fan)
But I love beating the Cowboys. I live for it. And lately I've been on life support. No one gave us a chance to win last night. My own girlfriend, a diehard Redskins fan, went to sleep and wrote us off. Al Michaels (you ultra-conservative Republican fucktard) had a field day bashing us. We looked dead in the water. But I never lost faith. True, I did spend most of the fourth quarter devising a way to suicide bomb Derek Jeter and Bill Parcells at the same time, but I knew we were going to pull it out. And pull it out we did!
Final score: Karmic Justice 1, Crybaby Bitches 0
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4 comments:
Skins still suck Bryce. And they will for some time. But enjoy this while you can cause the best you'll end up is 6-10, maybe 7-9.
OMG, you and JB could never have been sports boyfriends. He hearts the Cowboys; always has, even growing up in Richmond.
you could point to the skins' woeful offense and marginal special teams and make a case that they don't deserve to be 2-0.
i could point to the standings and make a case that y'all should collectively stfu.
i love you all, but if you don't revel in watching cowboys fans stand mouth-agape, paralyzed with disappointment and confusion then you're not allowed to read this blog anymore. gtfo!
great post and all that, but can we get back you writing about your humiliating experiences? thanks.
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