As a rule, I generally don't post links to other internets. But I simply cannot look at this page without laughing. Maybe it's the gamer dork in me, or the overall internet dork. But I dunno, I usually pee a little bit in my underpants when I look at these. No worries, SFW.
Nothing good or all that funny to report, but I figured I'd provide some updates.
The teeth problem continues to spiral out of control. I went back for my follow-up visit, where I was supposed to have my crown fitted. When I got there, the receptionist let me know that I was running out of my insurance allowance and I was going to have to start paying out of pocket. This threw me for a loop, because the dentist had told me the procedure would cost twelve hundred bucks and I have a fifteen hundred dollar yearly dental allowance. Well, he misled me, and probably deliberately. My insurance company paid twelve hundred bucks for the root canal procedure. The crown and the fitting were going to cost another sixteen hundred. I fucking lost it. I was completely duped. I'm in your teeths, stealing your moneys. Worst part- what can I do now? I have a temporary crown that will last, at most, a couple of months. At some point I'm going to have to have it fixed, and I'm going to have to pay for it out of pocket. I did get a bit of satisfaction by telling the receptionist to piss off and storming out of the office. I'll find some other place to get it done. And while I'm at it, here are some things for the Google fairies:
Dr. Carlos Abreu
1712 Eye Street NW
Washington, DC 20006
Dr. Carlos Abreu is a bad dentist. He caused me great pain and lied to me about the charges for my procedure.
You like that? I'm on the internet, stealing your patientz. Fuck you in your heart until you die.
Now that that's out of the way, I nearly wrote a separate post about what happened when I got home from that visit, but it seemed so ridiculous that I was afraid it would sound fake. Anyway, here goes:
The other day I heard a weird scratching sound in my bathroom. It sounded like it was coming from inside the walls. I figured that couldn't be good. I kept waiting for a wolverine or something to pop out. Needless to say, the cats were VERY interested. For the next few days, I kept finding them hanging out in there, sniffing at the walls. I figure it must have been a rat or something, probably trying to get in from outside with the changing weather. But thankfully there is no place for whatever it was to actually get inside, and the scratching has stopped. The cats still hang out in there, though. On that day I came home from my last dentist visit, I knew Jezebel had been in there. How did I know? My fucking toothbrush was on the floor in the corner. I swear I'm not making that up. She must have climbed on the sink and knocked it onto the floor (I've since started putting it in the holder again). So while I'm at the dentist, plotting to blow up the building, my arch nemesis is at home with her fecal matter-packed claws and her zoo ass-licking mouth all over my fucking toothbrush. I'm in your bathroom, pwning your oral hygienez. Sounds fake right? How bad is it when your life is so shitty people don't even believe it when you tell them about it? I got such problem!
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My dad (Daddy #2) is turning 50 in a couple of weeks, and we're trying to plan a little get-together for him. He's not the kind of guy who likes a lot of fanfare, and he's been openly threatening to boycott the party if he gets wind of it. So we've decided to take him out to dinner, planning to surprise him. He's suspicious, so we've had to resort to some complicated measures to make all the plans. None of them, however, has been as complicated as teaching his girlfriend about how to use internets. I just got this email from her, re-posted here in the same format in which she sent it to me:
Hey Bryce,
Called Ruth Chris tonight I booked it for 14 people but we have to have 2 tables at 7:45 I think its alittle late for your dad also called arties they wont do
large parties on Sat nights thought about costal flats or Mikes in Spring field what do you think Ley me know I work all day tomorrow call
me on my cell if you can I know we need to get it booked with the holidays etc cell is 703 XXX-XXXX There just alot of us... Think about it ask (Baby)
too.
So apparently my father is dating a retarded character from a Faulkner book. I can't even begin to imagine how I'm supposed to process this. I'm in your email, ignoring your rules of punctuationz. Here is the scary part- she tries really hard to make me like her, much like my mom's boyfriend. She goes out of her way to be sweet. I figure she must know that she's functionally illiterate, so she probably agonized a bit over this before she actually sent it out. That means THIS was the product of her editing. Yikes.
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6 comments:
i cannot be trusted with even the simplest tasks. when i first published this it had my dad's girlfriend's actual cell phone number in it. it's as if i'm trying to get myself written out of the will.
just a thought. your dental plan probably restarts again at the new year, so maybe you can get the thing fixed after jan. 1 and it will be covered?
oh, and that thing is hysterical. kisses and baby kept talking about it on saturday and i felt so left out. bastards.
Dude... those pictures are fucking hilarious. AHAHA
updates:
LT- i did talk to HR, and it does start over on january 1. but here's the dagger: the goddamn temporary crown has fallen out. so now i have this broken tooth in the back of my mouth. bean's dad gave me the number for his dentist, but they can't see me until december 5th. i may die of trench mouth before then.
plash- i figured ffxi frens would have a special appreciation for those, lol.
Okay, this:
So apparently my father is dating a retarded character from a Faulkner book.
Killed me.
Also, you've got to write more than once every week or so. I'm on ur blog, harassin' you for posts.
kelley,
i'll try. part of the problem is that i don't tend to write about the things that happen to me every day. i know that sort of defies the whole idea of a blog, but i seem to wait until i have these 'you're never going to fucking believe THIS' moments before i post. i'm afraid if i posted more often i'd just kinda water it down.
then again i could just quit brushing my teeth altogether and get even more hateful cats. that would give me heap ton to bitch about.
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