Who Are These Fucking People?

Honestly, is there anyone in America that doesn't understand that everyone makes fun of people with mullets? Is there a barbershop you can go into somewhere and say, "Business in the front, party in the back" and not have the guy laugh at you?

There have been movies, websites, and entire stand-up comedy careers based on ridiculing the mullet as a hairstyle. When you see the look, you immediately think of the cliche. It's instinctual at this point. I mean, nobody wears the Hitler mustache anymore, right? There are some looks that we just know are not for us. And I can't, for the life of me, figure out why the mullet hasn't achieved this status.

I was at RFK this weekend for the Nats and Orioles series. RFK is in Washington, DC, the capital of the United States of America. You'd think that people living within driving distance of a major American city would at least be hip enough to understand the no-mullet rule. This isn't Alabama, this is the Mid-Atlantic.

But there they were, in all their glory. Mullet, jean shorts, high top sneakers, Marlboros and Miller Lites and fanny packs. I don't mean to suggest that everyone in attendance had a mullet. But they weren't exactly rare, either.

And the more I think about it, the more puzzling it gets. These weren't hipster kids with faux mullets trying to be ironic. These were manicured, styled mullets that take years to grow. The kind of thing you have to work on, the kind of thing that takes planning and thought. Growing a mullet is like planting a garden. You have a picture of the finished product in your mind, and you painstakingly work at it until it's ready.

This is the part that gets me. They've obviously been thinking about growing mullets. They're aspiring to do it. What the fuck? Where does that come from? Who are they looking at and saying, "I want to be like that guy!"? All the kids these days want to look like rappers, and that's understandable. Rappers are all over TV, and people emulate what they perceive to be cool. We all do it, in a way. We have a look we're going for. Who the hell is going for the mullet? Who is the role model? When is the last time you saw a mullet on somebody even remotely famous? Hockey players and professional wrestlers don't even have mullets anymore.

Who are these fucking people?