Thursday, May 25, 2006

Ducktails, Boo Hoo

My hair is growing out. I feel pretty good about this. I used to keep my hair short and kinda messy. It was my way of not conforming. Then short and messy became the look, and I started seeing guys in the boardroom wearing their hair that way. So I had to make a change. I'm vain like that. It also helped that my girlfriend really wanted me to grow it out. I'm a pussy like that.

My hair is painfully straight. Like, if it grew all the way out I'd look like the guys from Nelson. Not that that wouldn't rule, but I've kinda wished my hair would at least do something other than hang. But hang it does.

It's ok though, because at least I don't have to do much to tame it. I pretty much just dry it and put this crap in it that Baby buys for me that keeps it from getting frizzy. It takes thirty seconds. Time is money.

When I was a teenager my hair was really long. Like, middle of my back long. I really don't know why. I think it was one of those 'trying to be different' things. Of course, in trying to be different I looked like every other heavy metal (why don't more people call them grits, like we did?) kid in school. But dude! I was SO not into heavy metal. I was into Jane's Addiction, and they weren't metal! I was alternative. I looked the other way when the guitar players made out on stage. I tried to score with the goth chicks. I failed miserably.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, so my hair is growing out again for the first time since I was a kid. Only I've got this goddamn problem that's making me rethink the whole thing.

When I leave the house in the morning I'm all shaggy and it looks the way I want it to. But by the time I get to work the back right side has completely curled, leaving me with a gravity-defying little ducktail that makes me look completely retarded. What the fuck is that all about? I gotta think it's because it hits the collar of my shirt and gets all banged up. But why only the right side? Do I have some bizarre cowlick down there that's fucking it up? Is the guy sitting on the metro behind me fucking with it while I'm sitting half asleep on the train? Is this the beginning of the rest of my hair curling? Should I curl the front left side to balance it? Or maybe braid that part and let it hang down? Rat tails are still cool, right? Maybe I should cut it off and grow a fauxhawk? Those aren't too trendy, are they?

5 comments:

Lady Tiara said...

back in the day, "grits" was synonymous with "redneck" or "white trash," at least where i come from. i've never met anyone else who uses the term and most people stare blankly at me when i use it.

bryc3 said...

it's funny, baby uses it too. and she's from the land of grits. maybe it's more ubiquitous than we thought?

Anonymous said...

heh....im from the land of the grits >_>

Duck tails are terrible, i have to keep my hair short no mattter what because of those damn things. If my hair grows out in the slightest, it will form a ducktail >_>.


---Raz

bryc3 said...

hey raz, welcome.

i'm considering bringing the ducktail back in style. i think i've got enough dc cred to pull it off.

Lady Tiara said...

the thing about your hair getting longer is that you could now totally grow it into a mullet. just sayin.

maybe grits is a virginia thing.