I've been sick, on and off, for a few weeks now. Some kind of terrible cold thing that won't quite turn into something that will kill me, but won't go away, either. I woke up yesterday morning to find I had lost my voice. Sweet. So that got me thinking about some funny talking things, for example:
Baby likes to talk, but hates talking to strangers. She's the kind of person who will just let the phone ring and ring and ring if she doesn't recognize the number on the caller ID. So it's usually my job to handle those things. I use the authority of the role to my advantage, and I get to make awesome threats like, "Shut up or I'll make you answer the door when the pizza guy gets here."
At least once a day I find myself disclosing something breathtakingly personal to a complete stranger, and saying to myself, "Why the hell am I telling this person THAT?" I then reconstruct the conversation in my head to figure out how I managed to meander over to this particular anecdote about me failing to perform sexually and/or peeing on myself and I realize that at this point, there is no way I'm going to not look like a crackpot, so I might as well just finish telling it because hell, at least it makes ME laugh.
More than one person has told me that despite my desperate longings to the contrary, I actually have a terrible singing voice. We're talking awful. I can manage at least a comical falsetto, but that's about the extent of my musical ability. When I was a kid and I would lose my voice, I would secretly wish that when it came back, I would emerge from my laryngitis cocoon a golden-throated crooner. Alas, not so much.
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